Designers Handbags

Simply put, this handbag is cheap and heinous. You would figure that any designer attempted to integrate leopard print into a handbag would do it carefully and with conviction, knowing that an animal print bag is truly hit or miss. Michael Kors got lazy with this bag, and put a few minutes into designing this sloppily done Michael Kors Leopard Print Satchel. I am aware that leopard print is leopard print, but I assure you that there is such thing as a tastefully done print. Even worse, this is satin with patent leather trim. Satin? Are you kidding me? A shiny material paired with a shiny leather makes for a bag that hurts my eyes. The handles are also patent leather, but awfully braided in a way that your eyes must look at it but really wish they never did. And even worse, there are braided patent ties that are threaded through metal grommets on the sides. It is like he could not just finish with the handles, he had to finish it up with a sure fire miss. Not a nice way to start your Monday, but I promise to bring something good to look at later today. Via eLuxury for $348.

The jungle gym is the best friend to many youngsters. I used to run outside for recess and went straight to the climbing rope. Ask me now to get on a rope and I’ll laugh in your face, but way back when, I loved it. My favorite thing to do was race other kids up the cargo rope, which I of course always won

. Reminiscent of my childhood days, the Etro Basketweave Tote looks like the perfect cargo rope for Thumbelina. Unless you are Thumbelina or Polly Pocket, this bag is hideous. The knotted laced detail along with the basketweave front makes an otherwise simple white tote fugly. Give me the bag, and I will draw faces on my finger tips and walk my fingers up the rope of the bag. Highly extravagant for Polly Pocket and my finger people, but perfectly fitting for the likes of Thumbelina. Via Neiman Marcus for $1625.

I have said it at least 100 times in 100 different entries, the whole over-zealous monogram pattern does not do it for me. I want the beauty of the bag to attract the attention, not the logofied style. Even worse is designers who do not typically use a monogram pattern, or have not found success with one, using it like it is hip. Gag me. Upon first glance of the Michael Kors Jet Set Monogram Satchel, I thought of two things: ‘mmmmmkayyyyy’ by Mr. Mackey and Mary Kate Olsen. Those are two things you do not want a potential buyer to think of when looking at a Michael Kors bag. The shape is great, the leather trim is stunning, the push lock closure is cute, but the monogram-emobossing makes me seriously laugh and want to gag all at once. Kors, stick to what you know works, simple bags without your initials splattered all over it. Especially when your initials will make people think of at least two totally opposite things. I mean really, who thinks of Michael Kors when they first see the initials MK? Not me. And that is not a good sign. Via eLuxury for $328.

Like I have said many times, I grew up on the ocean. Well not on it per say, although I always wanted to live in the ocean in Stilt City but that is besides the point. My family was never much of a fisher-family, seeing that both my mom and I are allergic and we all rather have someone prepare our food rather than take all that time to slice, dice, and remove parts. All things aside, we still would go on boats often and still had friends that liked to fish and use nets to catch all sorts of ocean critters. We used to wade in the sand bars and catch little crabs and other marine life in nets. The nets we used looked like a slightly different version of the Dolce & Gabbana Vitello Canvas Tote which appears more like a fisherman’s accessory than an accessory for a lady on solid shore ground. This canvas bag sports net-like woven metallic leather and a wooden top handle. Might as well give the dimensions seeing that you need to know the size of marine life that you can fit in here; 11”H X 15″L X 5″W. Totally hideous and if I were sitting on way too much money, I’d cut out the canvas lining and literally use this metallic net to catch something or other out there. At least I would do it and make a fashion statement. Fugly and overpriced through Saks for $1550.

Proudly sporting the ‘Art to Wear Girl Scout Badge’

Oh yes, I was in girl scouts. You better believe it. And when I was too young to be in girl scouts, I was an honorary members of my sisters troop (where my mom was of course the troop leader). One of my favorite activities was tie-dyeing. For every activity out there, there is a girl scout badge, I kid you not. You glue Popsicle sticks together with glue, you got yourself a new badge. But the tie-dyeing, now that was a badge well earned. Problem is the actual process because if you do not treat the garment properly, you end up with a brown creation, and who wants that really?! I have my hand in my imaginary girl scout troop leader badge drawer and and pulling out an ‘Art to Wear Badge’ for the designers behind the Miu Miu Camoscio Tie-Dye Tote. The folks behind the bag sure do deserve their badge, seeing that they were able to tie-dye suede with white and blue and even tie-dye the double handles. On top of this, the bag has a pleated front and a removable cross body strap (I’d keep the strap for outdoor adventures and campfires). Ah, you all catch my sarcastic drift here. Scouts honor, I am not trying to be rude, the bag is partially cute, it’s just not for me. Through Saks for $1445 (now you know that a girl scout really did not make this bag!)